Transformers: Age of Extinction Review

I figured I might as well review the worse film of the year so far before I see more contenders for the worse film of the year so far will this weekend, like Sex Tape and The Purge: Anarchy. So... *sigh*... here it goes.

I don't blame Michael Bay for directing as much as I do blame Ehren Kruger for writing. Why, must you ask? It's because Michael Bay made at least one good and tolerable Transformers movie which was the first one; whereas for all the rest of them suck donkey dick, in my personal opinion. Where does Ehren Kruger fall in? Why he's the guy who wrote every other Transformers movie EXCEPT for the first one. Maybe THAT'S why all these other Transformers movies are getting such bad publicity. They're all the friggin same movie! The reason why the first one was tolerable was because it was obviously new and not the same movie because it was the first one made. 

I hate Kruger's writing because he never comes up with anything new at all unless it's a racist stereotypical scene or setup. Examples? The two racist ghetto robots from the second movie. How much more racist can you get than that? Watch this new fourth one and find out... or don't and just let me tell you so you can save three hours from possibly being wasted (yes the movie's that long). What this movie has is a bad portrayal of people from Texas. More examples? Apparently according to this movie, EVERY girl in Texas acts like a slut and dresses in short-shorts and cowboy boots. Every guy in Texas (yes including Mark Wahlberg's character) is over protective of everything and is an asshole to every person they come across, whether it's doing business or saving someone's life. Is that all? Of course not. Why not insult the Chinese as well? Well you have your typical Chinese women who speak the most stereotypical accent you can think of; as well as Ken Watanabe who is a Japanese actor voicing a Chinese transformer who doesn't believe in guns and only uses swords to fight in combat. Who hates that of course? Why a big fat redneck Transformer of course who is voiced by John Goodman. I have no idea why those two good actors who have starred in recent Academy-award-winning films would even provide voices for this garbage. They should know better.

As the plot is concerned, it's pretty much the same damn thing again. The Decepticons (or BAD ROBOTS) invade and want to destroy the city and it's up to the Autobots (the GOOD ROBOTS) to stop the Decepticons while the main human characters, that we follow more than the Transformers, (even though Transformers is in the friggin title!) scream and run for their lives the whole time. The only difference is that this time the government has turned bad and is working with the Decepticons this time; so it is up to Mark Wahlberg's character of Cade Yeager (yes, that's actually his name in the movie) to put a stop to the government's plans. The government is played by Kelsey Grammer. Yes, I'm aware of what I said. The reason why I state that flawed sentence is because literally everyone who is associated with the government in that movie does what he tells them to do. Nobody of any higher ranking has control over Grammer's evil character. Why is he evil and working with the bad robots? Well the script forgot to explain that of course. Seriously, f*ck you, Ehren Kruger.

If you're not interested in the plot and just want to see some eye candy and action, this movie may still not be for you. The action was so dull that I couldn't take it. I've seen it so many times in this franchise that I don't get why Michael Bay doesn't get bored with this crap. He apparently says that his reason for making another Transformers movie was because he saw a very long line at Universal Studios theme park for the Transformers RIDE. *facepalm* Even if it's a different plot with different characters, that doesn't somehow occur to him to change the action sequences in a way where we can tell the difference in the movies themselves. Hell you can't tell the difference between the robots that are fighting one another. Which one is Optimus?! The only thing good I can mention about the action scenes is that they actually have Mark Wahlberg doing something. Unfortunately it's not anything to explain what's going on with the plot, but at least they have him with a made up prop gun (that is never explained how it works or what it's power usage is) fighting robots instead of running away from them. That is the only step up this movie has.

Oh and I forgot to mention, Mark Wahlberg has a daughter in this movie, played by Nicola Peltz. She doesn't do anything in the movie though, at all. She just bitches and complains the whole time. Her makeup also stays perfect throughout the whole movie even though there's fiery explosions happening everywhere around her and she has no access to a makeup kit anywhere. I can't tell whether she's doing bad acting or terrible acting because the guy who plays her boyfriend (Jack Reynor) does acting that's beyond terrible in this movie. He is apparently the driver in this movie, even though he only has a couple of short driving scenes throughout this whole three hour movie. Other than that he just bitches and moans the whole time as well.

This movie was a waste of time and it is mind blowing how this had a higher weekend opening than Dawn of the Planet of the Apes or Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Those movies had logical characters, a moving plot, and carefully constructed action scenes. In this, you have none of that. I can easily predict that this will win Razzie awards for sure. I am pretty sure Nicola Peltz has it in the bag for Worst Supporting Actress since nearly every female in a Michael Bay film has been through that phase, and not to mention she has been nominated for one already for The Last Airbender. I hope Mark Wahlberg has learned his lesson by now after doing TWO Michael Bay films. I hope Jack Reynor will take acting lessons as well as receive a Razzie for Worst Supporting Actor as a reason to partake in those lessons. I hope Michael Bay realizes that the only way to save his career is to either stop making Transformers movies or if he does, fire Ehren Kruger and hire the writers of the Fast & Furious franchise to make them as funny and ridiculous as possible. I know Michael Bay can direct comedy all right, but he just chooses the worst scripts to do so... like Pain & Gain. My final hope for this review is for Ehren Kruger to quit writing movies FOREVER. That guy has a gift for making everything a lot worse whenever he touches it.

My final sentence for this review is "Stay away from this movie!".

* out of ****